Lesbian Breakout is an adult-oriented, arcade-style game based on the classic 1986 Arkanoid brick-breaking formula. There is no story to speak of, just 55 levels filled with bricks to bash, and 11 hentai images to unlock. Each portrait is made up of five levels in where completing one unlocks a bit more of that specific picture. That is your sole prize, aside from the satisfaction of clearing a stage, as there is no scoring system. Each level will only take a few minutes at most unless you are really struggling. It starts off quite easy, though by the end game, it does offer a decent challenge without resorting to troll levels of difficulty.
One of the first things you’ll notice upon booting it up is the 80’s aesthetic and surprisingly great synth music. It also has a strong CRT effect overlayed that distorts the image to make it look like it’s bulging from the middle and has an after image for the things in motion. You can’t turn it off, so thankfully, it looks decent and close enough to the intended effect on some stages. I say some because not all of them have the same sized play area. Some of them are far wider than others and causes the CRT bulging effect to look kind of bizarre.
This finally brings me to the gameplay. The paddle is entirely controlled by the keyboard, either using ‘wasd’ or the cursor keys. This is where you will immediately run into a problem. See, the menus are entirely controlled by the mouse, and upon starting a stage, the ball will launch from your paddle right away. You will have to rush to get your hand from the mouse all the way to your intended keys every time you start. Losing all three lives will send you to a screen where you need your mouse again to either restart or escape to the main menu. Even pausing the game requires you to use the mouse. It is an extremely counterproductive control scheme in a game otherwise entirely controlled by the keyboard during gameplay.
Merely being able to press R key to restart, P to pause, and so on would have gone a long way. Even when your hands are positioned and ready to move the paddle, it is still not uncommon for the immediate launching of the ball to screw you over due to the suddenness of it and the unpredictable path it will take. It is not game-breaking by any means, but it will quickly get on your nerves since it will happen every time you lose a ball or start a level. Once the ball is in play, it is reasonably smooth sailing from then on out. The physics are actually good enough for precise aiming and does not have the unpredictability in its physics like when you initially launch it. With the great music alongside your newfound control over the game, it can be easy to start enjoying it.
Your goal is to break every brick on the stage with the three lives you are given. Upon smashing a brick, you may randomly be given a power-up. These are not usually to your benefit, and the ones that are, are mostly situational. Picking one up may cause a variety of things to occur, such as changing the title’s colors into retina searing combinations, speeding up your ball, or widening your paddle. The one I fear most is the T power-up, which causes the ball to stick to your paddle. It may sound useful up until you are reminded of how bad launching them is. You are more likely to smash it into a nearby brick and sending it right back into the abyss, losing the ball in the process than sending it on your intended path.
In some stages, there are also aliens to contend with. They either charge down to the bottom of the screen or hang around the top to continually shoot down projectiles. Touching either them or their projectiles will lose you a life. Keeping track of where your paddle is becomes your priority while under heavy firepower. Luckily, they go down in a single hit, and you can even destroy their projectiles with your ball. Learning how to aim your ball becomes very important towards the end, as you will need to pull off precise shots to get at the walled-off bricks. On top of all of that, you need to pay attention to what the constant power-ups are since you do not want to widen your paddle when dealing with enemy projectiles or to blind yourself with hideous colors for the rest of that life.
Speaking of lives, this title has an annoying glitch that causes it to appear that you only have one life remaining after losing your first. It can be easy to forget if you have two lives left or if this is actually your last one if you are not paying attention. Another issue with it is the low sensitivity of the paddle. On stages with wider play areas, it sometimes becomes impossible to keep the ball in play as your paddle is too slow to cover such a wide area. The single biggest glitch I’ve experienced is on level 36 that makes it impossible to get past. Once you clear out all the bricks for that level, the game just keeps on going, and you are left bouncing your ball until you lose. I was confused about how people managed to get achievements indicating they beat later stages. That is until I discovered you can simply skip any stage by pressing C. Which again also brought the question of why they didn’t bother to add keyboard controls to pause or restart as well.
That skip level feature allows the player to just unlock all eleven hentai images from the get-go if they so choose. After unlocking them, you can view them from the main menu and select between two alterations of the image in whether they are dressed or not. For a single dollar that may not be the worst deal for some, yet if you are actually interested in the gameplay, I’d give it a pass. It is functional enough to be fun when it wants to, but it just has so many small and large issues that will always bog down your enjoyment. There is no lack of other cheap or even free Arkanoid clones that do a much better job, so I really can’t recommend Lesbian Breakout on that basis. If you get this game in a bundle or a friend gifts it to you for the “lols” than it may be worth a play (after deleting said friend from your contacts list, of course), otherwise I’d steer clear.
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