Megacraft Hentai Survival Review

6 minutes of reading / By /

Megacraft Hentai Survival is one of those games with a dumb enough title to immediately get my attention. Priced at a single dollar, I thought ‘what the hey’ and added it into my library, expecting at least a few cheap laughs. Somehow, I ended up more bored going out of this seven-minute adventure than I was when I booted it up. I’d usually begin my reviews by stating the genre and what type of game this is, yet in this case, it is bordering on even being able to be called a video game. On paper, it has crafting, exploration, combat, drivable vehicles, and a slew of other features that you can screw around with despite fully expecting this to be a low-quality title. That would be is a mistake. You’d be better off making a paper airplane out of your dollar and will get more entertainment from it.

Reeling things back a little, we start off on a poorly made main menu with bizarre tribal music playing. You have a choice of multiple characters to choose from, all containing different gear to begin with. Pick your Minecraft-looking character of choice, and you are off into the wild zombie-filled world. We start off in front of an abandoned shack with quite a peculiar thing inside. That being a giant, floating picture of a stock anime Unity girl in slightly lewd positions. You’d think you just found one of the Ten Commandments in your sacred pilgrimage to rescue all the lewds in this post-apocalyptic world, what with all the unnatural bloom surrounding the thing. This random arse thought of mine is actually quite fitting, considering we actually do have to collect ten of these to win the game.

Okay, that’s cool. I got a chuckle right out the gate and something to work toward. That was the high-point of this title. Little did I know. Zombies will constantly spawn around you, causing you to always be on the move. Chances are that if you’re anything like me, you got slapped in the back of the head by those undead fiends while you were admiring that first picture. Luckily for us, all characters seem to start off with some bandages. Unluckily for us is that the bloody things do not function properly. The animation will play out, yet it doesn’t heal you nor do anything. Fine, you take the rude smack to the back of yer noggin as a loss, and bunny hop your way through the map. The zombies are extremely slow. Even in your default movement speed, they can’t catch you and are so few in numbers that they pose no threat. The bunny hopping is solely to move faster through this mostly empty and uninteresting environment.

Near our starting position will be a small city with a ton of things to loot. This is where we’ll soon discover that it isn’t just the bandages; none of the items work. You pick up and drink a water bottle to try to sate your thirst. Nothing. You find some fries in a restaurant and eat them. Nada, you’re hunger meter hasn’t changed and continues to go down. This fact instantly sets a time limit to find all ten pictures before you either starve to death or become dehydrated. Okay.. the map isn’t that large at least, so you may as well take some more time to explore. Poking your head into one of these tiny, empty houses will usually lead to finding some guns. This town’s inhabitants had enough firearms and ammunition lying around to invade a small country. It is useless to you. A melee weapon will kill a zombie in a single hit wherever you hit them without the need to worry about ammo, reloading, or head-shots. The shotguns are the only weapon you can call somewhat useful. Things like a sub-machine gun have crazy recoil and take too long to down an enemy. Not that there is any reason or motivation to fight the undead in the first place, other than sheer boredom.

Hey, look, there is a Humvee we can ride in the street! I got in and used it to ram down a zombie. Or at least I tried. The thing got stuck under the vehicle and somehow sent me flying into the stratosphere, which was honestly pretty funny. Starting to have an iota of fun, I decided to leave this tiny city and begin exploring the rest of the map. I was more than disappointed to learn that this title is entirely front-loaded. All of its content is found in that town. The rest of it is mostly empty terrain with the rare shack plopped down. There isn’t even another vehicle. What there is will be a bunch of neatly chopped firewood all over the place to allow you to build a campfire. And do what with it, you say? Buggered if I know. It’s not like the food mechanic works in this game, nor is there a day/night cycle. Fret not though, you can also craft bandages with fabric.. which once again still do not work.

So, uhh, what’s left to do with pretty much all of the features being nonfunctional? Nothing, aside from finding and collecting all of those slightly lewd pictures like some poorly made Slenderman mod for Minecraft, which I hesitate to even compare this title to. Minus the art style, it has jack in common with it. By far the most puzzling thing in this title, and that’s saying something, is the fact that it’s labeled as Adult Only. I cannot fathom why. The pics that we gather are tamer than most you’d see in a Sears catalog or similar. There is nothing found here to even slightly warrants it, and surely they’d sell more copies without it? Eh, whatever, not my problem, and such an inclusion would still not make this game anymore appealing to recommend. This has been quite a different review than usual so far. I wasn’t even planning on bringing attention to this title after experiencing it, yet felt oddly compelled to talk about it and have some fun writing in an unprofessional manner, considering I had none playing it.

Me reconsidering my life aside, remember how there is a hunger system, and the eating mechanic is busted? Turns out that wasn’t even a problem I should have been worrying about. If you end up either starving or dying, you just respawn. You only lose everything in your inventory and are given your character’s starting gear again. That sounds a lot worse than it is. Remember that all of the things you collected are non-functioning trash, or weapons you don’t even need considering how low a threat the zombies are. The only threat will be the sheer desire to uninstall the game after exploring the mostly empty world in search of ten very uninteresting pictures. Have fun if you wandered away from the roads, or got them out of order and are now missing a few. Want to have a spoiler and find out what you get once collecting each of them? I’ll tell you. The game simply locks up on the congratulations screen, causing you to do what you should have done from the start and Alt+F4 out of it. It was a fitting end to a game I had zero expectations for and still managed to greatly disappoint. As much as a dumpster fire the Steam storefront is these days, do not purchase Megacraft Hentai Survival. There are actually decent titles you can get and support for that single dollar. I wouldn’t recommend this even as a joke. If you want to let your friends know just how much you appreciate them, get them the classic that is Bad Rats.

Rating:
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